Just a Feeling

I have faith I am certain; I am certain I have faith. What about the feelings and the emotions arising from uttering those statements?

I spent a lot of time writing in my journal this week. The journal is a blessing and a curse. I get to try out new thoughts and ideas and see how they play without worrying about whether they are born of blind ignorance and stupidity. However, what enters the writing in my journal is a whining voice that feels sorry for myself as if I am this much oppressed being even though I know I am not unless I take my own actions and decisions into account, take credit for my faults, allow for the ways I oppress myself.

The blog is different though. It's public. My ignorance, stupidity, and self promoting ruminations shine forth for all to see. However, it does allow me to pause while writing and question myself about whether I am happy if only for a psychologically fleeting moment. I often find I am happy in a trivial way, although not fulfilled.

I am menaced by the gap between reality, and my perception and conception of it. I am certain about that even though it is only a feeling.