Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Transgression

KimDotDammit nails transgressing into the forbidden with her Jesus Makes Me Hot. It is not only the forbidden that makes me hot, but the inaccessible too. I have been lately obsessed with both, at least within boundaries.

The woman I really want, yet cannot have, for some reason known only to her mind, perplexes me the most. I know I want her precisely because she eludes me. She pains me, and I like that too. The pain associated with the futile chase makes me feel alive like no other experience.

Some might say I should put my energy and thought to better purposes and activities. I do not know how to do that. I suppose it is because prudence is a virtue, virtue is a habit, and I have never developed the habit. Aristotle would wag his finger at me. Or would he?

It is one thing to write about ethics and virtue, yet another to live a life of virtue. The students at the ancient schools went to learn and actually live a life based on philosophy. We no longer do that, or at least most of us do not. Maybe, the world is less forgiving of the pure philosopher, the one who lives her life based upon her beliefs.

In many ways, I live a life of exquisite hedonism, for one, because I can at least for now. For two, I have lost all sense of time horizon. I cannot see myself ten or twenty years from now. I suppose that is partially due to living alone for a long time. I can no longer imagine a regular guest such as a girlfriend in my place even though the memories of that haunt me.

I might add somebody to my list today to make up for the one I cannot have. In fact, even though I have not met her, I received a phone call from her last night. I was introduced to her a week and half ago on the telephone. They tell me she is attractive and nice. They say if I gave her a gentle nudge, she would fall right over. Oh well, she called me rather than the other way around.

In the meantime, I will remain obsessed with this other woman; for I know, it is just a matter of time before she is on my list. Patience, perseverance, and persistence have paid off in the past, so why not now?

I know what I am doing, whether painful or pleasurable. Lynn, this is not a philosophy, you say. To which I reply, want to bet. There are all kinds of important disputed questions such as transgression. I am gathering empirical evidence being the rank materialist I am.

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